Pretty girls don't get speeding tickets

Life isn't fair.
The nice guy finishes last. 
Women often earn less than men for doing the same jobs.
People who don't speak educatedly (see what I did there?) have a tougher time in life.
Politicians, movie stars, professional sports players and other people with gobs and gobs of money often live above the law.
Good looking, strong men get all the hot chicks. 
And, pretty girls don't get speeding tickets.

Or so, I thought. 

I'm not saying I'm all that or anything, but I have to admit that I've enjoyed some special treatment based on my good looks and big tits charm.

The regular conductor on my train brings me my favorite candy at least once a week. The men who work at Home Depot practically clamor to help me find "the-stuff-you-use-on-PVC-pipes-you-know what I mean?" Men in bars offer to buy me drinks. And, most importantly men in law enforcement always cut me some slack.

Thanks (I think) to Facebook, I've reunited with various girls I went to middle and high school with, and more than one of them has informed me that they "hated me in school because I always had the biggest boobs and the cutest boyfriend." Weird thing to say to someone you haven't seen in almost a decade, but anyway...The point is, there are women like them all throughout the world who hate women like me. And some of those women become traffic court judges. See where I'm going with this?

That's right, I was found guilty of a traffic violation today. Moi?!? After eleven years as a licensed driver, three tickets thrown out in court and about one million verbal and written warnings from cops more interested in gawking at me through my driver's side window with a big goofy smiles and "bedroom" in their eyes. Once I made a left turn on red in South Philly, and the cop that pulled me over simply lectured me a little and asked me to "please not to make him look bad." Another time I was pulled over on I95 just north of Baltimore and the officer told me I should slow down and gave me a tire safety brochure. Anyway, back to today in court....

I entered the courtroom confidently in my oh-so-innocent-looking, chocolate-colored suit, but as soon as I saw the hard-ass woman judge with wrinkly cheeks and narrow eye sitting behind the desk, I began to worry. And, I knew I was doomed when she confiscated someone's cell phone because they had forgotten to turn it off when they entered the court room.

A glimmer of hope washed over me when the officer who had pulled me over sat down next to me on the bench and smiled. He asked, "I pulled you over, right? What for?" I told him and he smiled broadly and asked how I was doing.

Once we were called to the stand, he smiled at me again and proceeded to tell the judge how cooperative and pleasant I was when he pulled me over. I asked for probation before judgment based on my clean driving record and respectful tone, and all I got was a measly 45$ reduction in the fine, points stand. Hater.


Help me decide on my next costume!

Thank you everyone who left a comment on my last post complimenting my Coraline-inspired costume.

There are few things in this world that offer me release like dancing to a funky beat. On the dance floor, the only thing that matters is moving my body to the rhythm. Thoughts of bills to be paid, work to be done and chores to be completed, melt away as my mind focuses only on stepping to the beat. The flashing and swirling lights, the awe-inspiring performances and the mass of people moving as one, transport me to care-free world, where anything is possible. Add a costume to the mix, and I become a new person--a better person who is not constrained by society's expectations nor my own inhibitions.

I think a friend of mine said it best when he told me, "it's hard to be shy while wearing a red velvet jump suit and feather boa."

The next costume party on my agenda, is an underwater-themed event in April. Though it's still a couple months off, I'm starting my costume planning now. That's where you come in. I need help deciding between two ideas.

  1. Stingray
    This costume would involve a foil silver body suit, a hand-made stingray fin/tail shaped silver fabric cape that would attach at my back and by loops at my wrists, silver-painted sneakers, and wild silver eyeshadow and lipstick.

  2.  Sea Nymph
    The possibilities are endless--sea shells, scale mail, shiny and sheer fabrics, flowing wig, lots of teals or blues. My concern with this idea, is that there will probably be a bizillion store-bought sexy mermaid or sea nymph costumes at the party. Mine would be unique because I'd make it myself, but there would be girls wearing similar outfits, no doubt.
Leave a comment and let me know which costume idea you like best!


My costume for PEX's Valentine's Day Party "Heart Burn"

Dancing all night is great fun, but dancing all night in a Coraline-inspired costume with glow-in-the-dark stars is even better.....

Heart-Burn was an amazing party...the beats were rocking, the vibe was just right and the performers were amazing. I posted videos the party of a performer hula-hooping with fire and
a couple doing some amazing yoga-style floor acrobatics on my other blog go check it out!


Post by numbers: How I survived Snowpocalypse '10

75 white felt stars painted with three coats each of glow-in-the-dark fabric paint for my Coraline-inspired costume for Saturday night

53 e-mails from my boss, my boss's boss and other people's bosses

36 inches of snow (maybe more--I don't know the final figure, but there was a lot of fucking snow)

9 hours of shoveling

8 trips zipping down a snowy hill on a sled in Patterson Park

7 days without wearing real pants

5 days off work

4 new recipes attempted--lentil soup, banana-carrot muffins, southern-style black eyed peas and slow cooked tenderloin with homemade chutney

3 seasons of 30 Rock on Netflix On Demand

2 six packs of ale, 1 bottle of Captain, and maybe a little whiskey

-- Post From My iPhone


Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Last night, NPR aired an interview with Representative Duncan Hunter (Republican, California) in which he expressed his view that the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy should not be repealed. My blood pressure rose with every arguement he made, until I was so angry that I found myself screaming at my car radio.

There are few things in life that get me worked up like the ongoing--and absolutely ludicrious--"debate" over gay rights. How is it possible that in a society that supposedly values freedom and equal rights for all that, we still have to "debate" whether or not gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders should be afforded the same basic rights as everyone else.

I swear, our society is only about one step away from burning people at the stake and forced genital mutilation.

When Rep. Hunter was asked why he believed the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy should stand, here's what he had to say:
...No, because I think that its bad for the cohesiveness and the unity of the military units, especially those that are in close combat, that are in close quarters in country right now. Its not the time to do it. I think its - the military is not civilian life. And I think the folks who have been in the military that have been in these very close situations with each other, there has to be a special bond there....I think that the majority of people in the military are they're young kids. They usually have more conservative families, more conservative backgrounds and I think that it would go against their principles and it would frankly make everybody a little bit uneasy to be in these close situations...
So...What you're saying Rep. Hunter is that the military is full of young, little rednecks and bigots?  Or maybe you're saying that straight, gay, bi, and transgender people can't share close bonds?
In the United States we pride ourselves on allowing equal rights for all people, yet here is a congressman who seems to believe that discriminatory policies are OK, who believes that homophobia is a valid "principle" that should be protected.
...Its like if you want to work for NPR, you don't go to work and on the first day say, hey, I want everybody to know that I'm gay.
If I remember correctly, we called this a "straw man" argument in my college debate class. No, there is no reason for a person to parade in to their place of employment with a marching band, wrapped in a feather boah, and carrying balloons and a big "I'm gay" sign, but GLBT people should not have to hide who they are. They should be able to openly refer to their "partners," just as straight men/women talk about their families with their coworkers. 
...You probably don't care one way or the other as long as they, you know, get their particular job done. I think the military is the same way. That's why don't ask, don't tell works...
Ok, I see. It's OK to be gay, just so long as you get your work done and don't tell anyone that you're gay.

(In response to a statement that other countries allow GLBTs to serve openly in the military)...The U.S. is not Canada and were not Great Britain and I would argue that we have a superior military and a much larger military than any other country. Thats why were kind of the world's security force.
GLBTs serve in the military now!!!!! They just aren't allowed to be open about it, and if they do, there are consequneces. Openly gay or not, these men and women who currently have to hide their sexual orientation are some of the very same trained soldiers that make our military "superior."