Pretty girls don't get speeding tickets

Life isn't fair.
The nice guy finishes last. 
Women often earn less than men for doing the same jobs.
People who don't speak educatedly (see what I did there?) have a tougher time in life.
Politicians, movie stars, professional sports players and other people with gobs and gobs of money often live above the law.
Good looking, strong men get all the hot chicks. 
And, pretty girls don't get speeding tickets.

Or so, I thought. 

I'm not saying I'm all that or anything, but I have to admit that I've enjoyed some special treatment based on my good looks and big tits charm.

The regular conductor on my train brings me my favorite candy at least once a week. The men who work at Home Depot practically clamor to help me find "the-stuff-you-use-on-PVC-pipes-you-know what I mean?" Men in bars offer to buy me drinks. And, most importantly men in law enforcement always cut me some slack.

Thanks (I think) to Facebook, I've reunited with various girls I went to middle and high school with, and more than one of them has informed me that they "hated me in school because I always had the biggest boobs and the cutest boyfriend." Weird thing to say to someone you haven't seen in almost a decade, but anyway...The point is, there are women like them all throughout the world who hate women like me. And some of those women become traffic court judges. See where I'm going with this?

That's right, I was found guilty of a traffic violation today. Moi?!? After eleven years as a licensed driver, three tickets thrown out in court and about one million verbal and written warnings from cops more interested in gawking at me through my driver's side window with a big goofy smiles and "bedroom" in their eyes. Once I made a left turn on red in South Philly, and the cop that pulled me over simply lectured me a little and asked me to "please not to make him look bad." Another time I was pulled over on I95 just north of Baltimore and the officer told me I should slow down and gave me a tire safety brochure. Anyway, back to today in court....

I entered the courtroom confidently in my oh-so-innocent-looking, chocolate-colored suit, but as soon as I saw the hard-ass woman judge with wrinkly cheeks and narrow eye sitting behind the desk, I began to worry. And, I knew I was doomed when she confiscated someone's cell phone because they had forgotten to turn it off when they entered the court room.

A glimmer of hope washed over me when the officer who had pulled me over sat down next to me on the bench and smiled. He asked, "I pulled you over, right? What for?" I told him and he smiled broadly and asked how I was doing.

Once we were called to the stand, he smiled at me again and proceeded to tell the judge how cooperative and pleasant I was when he pulled me over. I asked for probation before judgment based on my clean driving record and respectful tone, and all I got was a measly 45$ reduction in the fine, points stand. Hater.


  1. Ouch! Had you been homely or matronly, you'd be having a completely different post to write. For sure...

  2. Yeah...really, I got what I deserved.
    I have no right to be indignant. I'm just having some fun.

  3. ugh. I got totally screwed at garbage court recently.

    By totally screwed, I mean the laws were upheld and I had to pay my fine.

  4. Here cops tend to be more lenient with AGE!

    Ugh! I've never been in that kind of situation. Only gotten pulled over by the cops once, a Saturday night surprise alcohol check they had set up at a roundabout (cops here loooove hiding at roundabouts, we have since learned to find other ways home!).
    Now this was the night of my 30th birthday... and I'd obviously been celebrating... went out for dinner with my friends and over the course of the night (many hours) had a couple of glasses of sangria, then a couple of cubatas (rhum+coke) and a shot of something (don't remember). I was driving a friend home when we got pulled over and I kind of panicked! I'd never been pulled over before, neither had she, and we didn't really know the protocol. I was perfectly fine to drive, but in Spain as of 10 years ago they went to tolerance 0 on alcohol which means you have 1 drink and you'll blow positive (which is a bit excessive when you realise that means 1-2 glasses of wine with a meal disqualifies you from driving).
    Back to the story, the guy asks through the window "Where are you coming from?" and I blank and look at my friend who looks at me like "are you nuts! do you want him to make you blow the balloon?!" and she answers for me "the beach". Now if this had been 10 years earlier we'd have been goners, since it was the biggest party area in the summer, people now stay in town (damn them!). Once upon a time the cop would have then and there asked us to step out. But he just said "and how was it?" and I answered "cool" (but in Spanish cool as in the weather!). My friend looked at me like I was totally out of it, but the cop just said "that's nice" and moved us along... We looked fine, and specially not like young university kids with our new drivers licence which is the target audience they want to catch and scare on weekends so...
    Since then my friend has been stopped, as well as 2 others, all on their way home from parties. Blew positive (but barely, we don't drink much and only at the beginning of an evening), and were all let off the hook being told to "go home" and "avoid this spot, don't you know we're always here on weekends?" In other words we're "too old" to be risky drivers.
    I guess there had to be some advantage to passing 30! :p

  5. Riding a camel and eating guinea pig? now that sounds like a girl to have a drink with! thanks for stopping by my blog on my SITS feature day, I really appreciate your comments.

  6. oops... I waxed on a bit long didn't I? sorry! :p

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    From how you described her, she sounds like she needs a....

    ...well, you know what I mean.


    And speaking of women earning less than men for doing the same job...

    ...I'm sorry, but that pisses me off to no end. If a woman does the same job as a man, whether she's married with family or not, she should get the SAME PAY!


  9. That sucks! I've had your same luck with cops thank god and so far my luck is upholding... until I get that nasty traffic judge lady who won't think my "but I'm a blond and have no idea what you mean" routine isn't very funny!

  10. Ooopss...a bad day.
    But these people admiring you, really aren't aware of the things you have under your belt. The adventurer in you is more awesome than all this. I have said this time and again and let me say it once more, that you are the most adventurous blogger i came across and your experience set is a huge one. Pretty girls often aren't that ways.

  11. haha i love how you wrote this and where you took it.. funny you can get special treatment from guys but the opposite from females sometimes. psh!

  12. LOL you are a mess girl. May your next traffic violation hearing be carried out by a smoking hot, single judge.