22.6.09

What's in a name?

In modern Judaism in the United States, it is customary to give your child two names--one a secular, English name and the other a Hebrew name. Hebrew names always have a meaning--it's an important part of Jewish culture. I have known my Hebrew name my whole life, but I never knew what it meant until I went to Israel this past March.
"Nechama," he said, the letters of my Hebrew name rolling off his tongue smoothly and naturally, "means compassion." "It's a beautiful name, but it comes with a lot of responsibility. It's your responsibility to care for and help your family and loved ones."

At first his words stung. I slowed my pace and dropped back from the hiking group, allowing myself to be alone on the trail that snaked through hills and hills of yellow wildflowers in northern Israel, along the border of Lebanon. With each thump of my hiking boot against the hard, packed dirt, dizzying thoughts rushed into my mind--I don't deserve my name. I haven't been living up to my responsibility. I don't have the capacity to care. I can't live up to the responsibility I have been given. I don't want the responsibility. I didn't ask for this.

I thought of my father who I can't seem to forgive for all that he did to me as a child. I thought of how I gave up on my junkie (ex)step-sister and her new baby. I thought of how I don't talk to my grandparents as much as I should because of my strained relationship with their son. I thought of my tendency to drop out of people's lives when I feel we are growing apart.

Images of every person I had ever given up on or let down swirled in my head until my mind simply went blank.

With my mind quiet, I again became aware of the buzz of the bees busily moving from flower to flower. The happy voices of my fellow group members hung in the air around me, and the babble of the stream became audible. I found comfort in my steady hiking pace. One foot in front of the other.

Then it happened. Acceptance.

I am a compassionate person, but I can't care about everyone. It's OK to pick and choose those who are worthy of my concern. I can't help everyone, and that's OK. There's simply not room in my heart for the disappointment and pain that so often comes from caring to much. Those in my life who are good, those in my life who are deserving, they are the ones I have a responsibility to.

Nechama. A name I've had my entire life suddenly meant so much.

15 comments:

  1. Wow...that was an awesome post! I love the fact that you have the ability to put your reflection on life into the perfect terms. :) And that last paragraph is awesome, I may put it on my blog as a food for thought post... :)

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  2. Very powerful to come to terms with something like that, and it's so true. People come and go in your life, and letting people go is a hard thing to do sometimes, especially when you're forced to look back and wonder if it was the right thing to do. Luckily, sometimes it is.

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  3. Ladies, thanks for the feedback. I felt like I was struggling to express my emotions on this one. It's nice to know that I did articulate my feelings in a way that you could get.

    Fidgeting Gidget--You are welcome to use my last paragraph on your blog. I would be honored! :)

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  4. A nice reflection. You defined your context pretty well and when you said "acceptance", that said it all.

    Lets have some claps for miss Nechama. :)

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  5. What a beautiful post. I think you nailed it, there are people worthy of your devotion and some who just aren't. Two thumbs up!

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  6. This is beautifully written, and true. You can only truly take care and care for so many people-not everyone is worth your time, worry, and compassion. I think you are a very compassionate person. You continue to inspire me with your writing and thoughts. Beautiful...

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  7. That is a nice name, sounds kinda sexy if you ask me. But compassionate is probably much more revered than sexy.

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  8. Thanks for the positive feedback Haley!

    The "ch" sound in Nechama very hard, kind of like the sound you make when you clear your throat. Is that still sexy, Mr. C?

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  9. That was a wonderful post. I loved it.

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  10. this is beautiful. your name is beautiful. i have a hebrew middle name too...not because we're jewish. it was my grandma's name, but i love it. all my children are getting hebrew names.

    anyway, i think you came to the right conclusion. sometimes you have to know when to exclude people from your life. it took me 25 years to learn that, but i'm so glad i did. i think it's our responsibility to love others, but it's also our responsibility to take care of ourselves. and you've gotta be somewhat healthy in order to have anything to offer anyone else. good for you for coming to such a mature conclusion and not letting yourself feel guilty over it.

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  11. The meaning of a name can be so hard to live up to isnt it? But once we accept it everything else starts falling into place.

    (popping by from 20sb)

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  12. This was very beautiful, very personal...your emotion came through really well. I loved this!

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  13. this is a beautiful post. You can't care about everyone, you're right. You'll drive yourself crazy trying.

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  14. As soon as I read the meaning of Nechama I instantly thought it fit you perfectly. It's okay to not care for everyone in our lives. People have a responsibility to earn your compassion as well.

    My Hebrew name is Sarah-Ruth (and of course no one could say it with the right accent!) Yours is beautiful.

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  15. beautiful!
    i also tend to drop out of people's lives when i sense growing apart :(

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