Now, I know some of my “more mature” friends may be thinking, “I’d kill to be 25 again,” but I bet that’s because they’ve forgotten how bad it sucks.
Over the past three years, I have gone from size 3/4 to size 7+ and I can’t seem to accept the change. I own just one pair of jeans, because every time I go shopping, I inevitably pull a bunch of size 5 jeans off the rack and take them into the dressing room, only to find that I can’t pull them up over my hips. I swear my hips are four inches wider than before. And, let’s not even get started on how much my ass has grown….
I like to blame the changes my body has experienced, on the sedentary lifestyle that comes with having a 9 to 5 job. Eight hours a day, I sit on my ever-widening ass and stare at the computer screen. Just two years ago, I was traveling Latin America, making fast cash slingin’ cocktails and dancing til’ dawn any night of the week...ah, the good old days! I thought by 26, I’ d be living in some exotic land, fighting to end poverty, saving trees or something else equally noble. Maybe by 30…..
Getting wider, and squishier. (Probably a little uglier too....)
Now look what's happened at 25:
Some of my friends have asserted that my inflated ass and newly-ample hips are my body’s way of telling me I’m ready to have children. Well body, listen up! I am in no way shape or form interested. And, friends and colleagues should take note that it’s not that I’m “not ready” because I’m still too young, so please stop saying that. You may call me selfish, but I choose higher education, a meaningful career and world travel over spitting out babies any day of the week.
At 25, you’re too old for lining your walls with fliers and posters and drinking until you puke. You’re too old for stretch jeans and super-thin, clingy shirts. You’re expected to save for retirement and pay all your bills on time.
At 25, your coworkers say things like “what you like twelve?” and “good night KIDO.” And, your friends say, “Oh, you wouldn’t remember that” and “you were born in the 80s?!?” AND, your family starts questioning you about when you’ll be tying the knot and having a family of your own.
At 25, life is full of contradictions.