The Big VD

On Valentine's Day people everywhere celebrate with dinner, drinks, cards, gifts and, most importantly, SEX. Despite the romanticized images of sex that we are bombarded with daily, sex is not pretty. Between the leg cramps, dripping sweat, tangled legs and and accidental head banging, it can be messy and just plain awkward. And this is just human sex, in the animal kingdom "sex" takes many forms, from mystifying to downright freaky.

Take praying mantis for example. During sex the female bites the male's head off, causing a pulsation to course through his body, which apparently leads to a wild, thrashing good time for the lady mantis. To bad for him.

Leopard slugs have the most slimy, disgusting sex I've ever seen--it's beautiful really. They slither onto a branch and entwine together for an hour in a gooey mess, then dive off and hang on a thread of their own slime. In mid-air, both release their male organs from their heads and wrap them around each other and inject each other with sperm. When they're finished, they fall to the ground and go their separate ways.

The barnacle has the largest penis-to-body-size ratio in the animal kingdom. Apparently, sessile creatures, such as barnacles, must have long, "wandering" organs to reach their shelled-lady friends' private goods.

Green spoon worms have sexual dimorphism, meaning the female is larger than the male. In fact in this species, the female is large enough in comparison to the male that she actually inhales him to reproduce. Once inhaled, the male goes to her special chamber called the androecium, or "small man room," where he spends the rest of his life fertilizing passing eggs.

Male flatworms engage in a dual, penis-fighting until one is stabbed and becomes the "bitch." Like prison.

If I had more time, I would totally draw inappropriate diagrams to illustrate this post. But I don't, so I'll end my biological sex lesson here.

Happy VD!

1 comment:

  1. someone has seen "Life in the Undergrowth!" ...well done!